Feeling fat, tired and grumpy…

The mind is a wonderful thing, it not only blocks the memory of the birth it also paints a rose tinted glow around the third trimester, oh the joys…you then get to round two and not only do you have the hell of being hugely pregnant, you also have a first born to deal with.  If like me this is the average gap of 2 1/2 years, not only do you have a first born, you have a toddler. Today summed up my experience in one day…

1. Sleep – I have been awake since 1.30 am; for the last 4 days I haven’t slept past 1.30 am – I’m tired and a bit grumpy…no lying in though for me, 5.30 am and said toddler launches himself into the bed, carves out a huge gap in the middle and I grip despairingly to the edge of the bed until 7.00 am

2. Acid reflux…not sure I need to say much more – yuck!

3. Forestation – I can’t get to my legs let alone my bikini line, in fact I haven’t seen my bikini line in months – what to do? Ask the hubby to do it? That would actually reveal just how hairy his wife is…or slap on a load of hair removal cream and hope for the best…

4. Washing up – I can no longer reach the he water…option a. Side on washing up and succumb to crick in the side or b. Balance bump on edge of sink while standing on tip toes?

5. Pain everywhere including feeling linke someone has punched my in the…you know what…

6. Dressing toddler – worst nightmare…managed to get onto the floor with clothes, just as toddler decides a game of ‘catch me’ is in order…can’t get back up, frustration builds, end up yelling at toddler…feel guilty, he only wanted to play and I want to play with him – gar!

 

7. Need to pee…every 5 minutes, makes shopping a nightmare, mapped out all public toilets between home and work, regular shopping destinations etc…

8. The husband – so attentive during pregnancy No 1, completely over it during pregnancy No 2…

9. Work – full time, no sleep, toddler, enormous- counting the days…

10. Catch 22 – over pregnancy, but result is another baby and sleepless nights, not to forget that bit in between

Having said all that I am the luckiest person alive; keep going fellow mummies

Someone special…

Sometimes someone special enters your life, not in the romantic or sexual sense but someone who you just get on with and respect. 5 years ago I met a man, from the first meeting we had a connection, he was interviewing me for a job and I remember with fondness a wry smile that crossed my face, thinking I like this guy we could have fun.

He gave me the job, I think the feeling was mutual and we have worked together over the last few years. I look forward to him phoning me and we chat about nonsense on the phone, sometimes I think he just likes being in my company and I enjoy being in his. I sometimes feel anxious around him, I want him to like and respect me, but I probably don’t need to worry about that as even when I frustrate him, he always comes back to me.

I admire his calmness, his pragmatism, his style of questioning that guides you in different directions without ever making you feel you have got it wrong. He is inspirational – he’s been criticised for not having impact or not being assertive enough – they don’t know him. He makes a significant impact on people who work for him.

He’s seen me through nearly two pregnancies at work and has made me feel as though I can achieve anything even when my own mind is betraying me. He made me cry, I don’t think he knows this, we were on the phone to each other – he told me ‘never to put barriers in my way-never’, that other people might, but that I should never hold myself back. I was pregnant and I needed this.

Our current set up is changing and there isn’t much I can do about it. I don’t want to let him go, but I have no choice, things will no longer be the same.

Do I want him to ever read this, probably no, I’d feel very self-conscious…if he does maybe he just shouldn’t ever tell me that he has.

Thank you – never put barriers in your way x

Big bumps…

So today I just got a it sick of it all…tomorrow I am 32 weeks pregnant and I am huge. I woke up at 00.30 and fell back to sleep at 04.45…my alarm went off 30 minutes later…

I left the house having not seen my 2 year old because he was still sleeping and got my sorry arse to work.  I hobbled most of the way as the baby is sitting on a nerve that shoots a sharp pain down my left leg every time I put weight on it. For some reason both sides of my groin ache and it feels like the skin on my tummy is about to tear.

The lovely, but somewhat clueless people at work, take an avid interest in my tummy, I get stroked by the guy in IT – it’s still weird even though there is a baby in there, I get told I am never going to make it to my due date – don’t you think I might be concerned about that and in our team meeting, everyone goes on about how small and neat the bump is of my team member who is 4 weeks behind me – I just get ‘OMG’s’ and gasps of shock and ‘yes she really is huge’ from those in the room. So feeling great, OK lying, I’m feeling pretty miserable, I sit for hours on an uncomfortable office chair wanting to be anywhere than right here. I still have 6 weeks to go and I am thing how on earth am I going to get through this; tomorrow I’m in another office and will have to go through the same conversations all over again – I can’t wait.

Finally home time, only my train is delayed, I have to stand for at least 5 minutes until finally some kind soul gives up their seat and go pick up my boy. Whilst pregnancy is an amazing thing and I try to savour every last moment of it, because this really is my last, it’s also a blooming pain in the I didn’t even know I could get pain there…

To my fellow large bumpers, you’re doing great and look fantastic, let’s just take it one day at a time – here’s wishing you a good nights sleep